My Mistakes in 2019 and Avoiding Negative Self-Talk

I’m normally quite disappointed in myself when I make mistakes, but this time I’m being kind and patient with myself and working on eliminating any negative self-talk. Here’s why.

The biggest lesson I learned in 2019 was that being hard on myself does not move me towards my big goals and dreams. Being tough on myself and pushing myself to my mental (and sometimes physical) limits seemed to have worked in the past, but I realize now it can only get me about 1% of the way to my biggest goals and dreams.

Success Means Caring for Yourself

We cannot be our best selves if we are not our biggest cheerleader. Trust me: if you start to look around you will see that this is true—the people who are most successful are NOT mean to themselves. They have a healthy sense of respect and care for themselves. They believe in themselves. They are happy with themselves.

What Does the Mirror Reflect?

Sadly, my epiphany around this personal-growth theme came on the heels of a meeting I had with one of my truly amazing clients. This client expressed a lack of happiness and fulfillment in their life, even after achieving every single goal they had set and more. They expressed a sense of near self-loathing thinking that had me shivering with goosebumps. The goosebumps came with the realization I had already had this conversation just two days earlier with one of my incredible mentors. I had expressed to her that even though I accomplish most goals I set, that I was very unhappy with myself.

Internal Validation Is Everything

Strive to be the best you possible, not the perfect youI didn’t realize how sad and misplaced the self-criticism was until I heard my amazing client and friend telling me the exact same story. “I do not love, let alone like myself.” This time though, I heard it. And I realized: we will never be happy until we are happy with ourselves. External validation will NEVER replace an inner sense of peace and love with who we are.

High Achiever = Hard on Yourself?

If you’re the high-achiever I think you are, you are probably suffering from the same thing I did last year: you’re sometimes (always) hard on yourself and even unkind to yourself. I’m here to tell you that this is the single most important lesson I learned in 2019.

The Voice in Your Head

If, on the other hand, you’re thinking “I’m not hard on myself, what is she talking about?” I urge you to begin listening to your self-talk—you know, that voice in your head. If you’re thinking, “I don’t have a voice in my head!”…. that’s the voice!!!

Learn To Catch Negative Self-Talk

When you begin to be aware of your negative self-talk, you can change it to something positive. For example, instead of thinking, “Ugh I screwed up again, what’s wrong with me?” you could choose the thought, “Hmmm, I know that I am an intelligent and successful leader, how can I solve this problem?”

For more detail, here’s an article called 7 Steps to Positive Self-Talk.

Improve Your Life, Improve Your Business

You might think this is sort of “woo-woo,” “touchy-feely,” or simply not about being a business owner, but I’m here to tell you that changing your negative self-talk to positive and affirming will make a massively positive difference in your life and your business this year. Alternatively, if you continue with negative self-talk, you could possibly experience anxiety, depression, a loss of your sense of purpose, poor leadership results, and many more unhappy circumstances.

Here’s a Tedx Talk on Removing Negative Self-Talk:

Three Steps To Take

Steps to take for the best year ever:

  1. Start to listen for the voice, and ask a trusted loved one to help you become more aware. We often speak our self-criticisms out loud.
  2. Purposely pay yourself a compliment every time you notice something (anything!!!) you like about yourself.
  3. Watch your life and your business start to improve almost immediately.


If you need more help to correct last year’s mistakes, contact TMH Business Coaching and Consulting today for a confidential, free, no-obligation consultation to propel you forward. Also, please feel free to add yourself to our weekly coaching tips email!

Business can be better™ and it should be!

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Kelli-Rae Tamaki

Kelli-Rae is truly passionate about successful business, and believes it can always be better, which is why she has spent 22 years studying, running, coaching and consulting with businesses, just like yours.
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